Talking to myself

We start talking to ourselves out loud at around 2 to 3 years of age. Usually, we're telling ourselves what to do, for example how to arrange toy animals. After another two to three years, the talk becomes internal. Later still, in early adolescence, we may start ruminating about performance, friends, who we are and making judgements about all of these.

Your inner voice shapes your world

As we have all come to know, this stream of thoughts, judgments, and reactions can shape our mood and our sense of self-worth.

Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, suggested that our thoughts determine the quality of our lives. That may seem like a big claim but the Buddha - with whose work Carlson was very familiar - said our life is created by our mind. What he meant, so far was we can see, was that If you’re absorbed in negative thoughts, unhappiness follows. The antidote is to drop the negative thinking.

Easier said than done but …

Easier said than done? Absolutely. But still, we can make our self talk work for us to a greater extent than if we just let it rattle along. That is a pillar of CBT, of mindfulness, and of other approaches to mental health

For instance, when I catch myself making negative judgements about myself or somebody else, I can ask myself if it's really true? If it isn't, I can let the negative judgement fade away while I put my attention onto whatever I am doing in the moment.

Or I can substitute one thought for another. If the thought is “I always mess this up” then I can deliberately replace it with something like “I’ve handled bigger challenges before. What’s the next small step?”.

Not the only one

There are many other methods. The key, to my mind, is to accept that "the thoughts I am having now are not the only thoughts I could have.” We can change them, put a better thought in their place, question them, and so on. Once you realise that, you are set fair to shape your thinking to be a tool not a tyrant.

Today

Try noticing one negative thought today and replacing it with a more friendly thought. You don't have to argue with the negative thought. Just replace it with something more friendly see what that's like.

This will all be the topic of my monthly zoom event this Thursday 25th of September from 7 to 8 pm. You’ll find more information on Eventbrite at the link below.

Image by Niamh Molloy