Need help? Yes. Ask for help? No!

When I was a counselling student, one of my teachers told us that one way to get closer to someone in a long term relationship is to ask them for their help with issues, problems, tasks and so on. Asking recognises the partner’s knowledge and this will do more to bring them close to you than going around acting as if you know everything already.

So the benefits of asking for help include more than getting things done.

Reflecting on this, I realised that most of us are willing to extend a helping hand to other people, but very often we’re really reluctant to ask for help ourselves.

Two kinds of people?

As the author Brené Brown writes in Gifts of Imperfection, it’s as if we’ve divided the world into those who offer help and those who need help.

But the truth is that we are both. Nobody gets through a life without large dollops of help. Indeed, it’s a key principle of the philosophy behind mindfulness that everything requires the input and effort of many people: the very shoes on which you walk required, from the creation of the raw materials to the finished product, the work of people you will never see.

What do you need?

Pause and consider: What help do you need that you haven’t been asking for? And if asking for help improves relationships, can you do that more often – even if you already know everything?!

What if fear is an issue? How would you overcome the fear of asking for help? I think, be ok with feeling the fear. Then ask for help in small things, even in things you don’t need help with – maybe asked for and listening to the other person’s opinion. Move on from there – it gets easier.

My True Friend self compassion online course can make it easier to ask for help as you feel better about yourself.  It’s an  online course and payment is by donation so it’s affordable to all. Learn more