These thirteen irrational beliefs can make you unhappy, according to Professor Albert Ellis

These are our top thirteen irrational beliefs, according to Professor Albert Ellis, who developed Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. His REBT is one of the pillars of what we know as cognitive behavioural therapy. The other pillar was the CBT work of Aaron Beck. He believed that these beliefs, and others like them, were like little programs running in the back of our minds, almost always unexamined by us, maybe even invisible. As a list of preferences, these are okay, but as demands that we make on ourselves or others, they are not okay and can leave us feeling unnecessarily unhappy. Here's the list:

1. I must do well and get the approval of everybody who matters to me or I will be a worthless person.

2. Other people must treat me kindly and fairly or else they are bad.

3. I must have an easy, enjoyable life or I cannot enjoy living at all.

4. All the people who matter to me must love me and approve of me or it will be awful.

5. I must be a high achiever or I will be worthless.

6. Nobody should ever behave badly and if they do I should condemn them.

7. I mustn't be frustrated in getting what I want and if I am it will be terrible.

8. When things are tough and I am under pressure I must be miserable and there is nothing I can do about this.

9. When faced with the possibility of something frightening or dangerous happening to me l must obsess about it and make frantic efforts to avoid it.

10. I can avoid my responsibilities and dealing with life's difficulties and still be fulfilled.

11. My past is the most important part of my life and it will keep on dictating how I feel and what I do.

12. Everybody and everything should be better than they are and, if they're not, it's awful.

13. I can be as happy as is possible by doing as little as I can and by just enjoying myself.

Turning it around.

One way to counteract these irrational beliefs is to restate them as preferences. Here's a possible way to do that:

1. I would prefer to do well and to win people's approval but you can't please all the people all the time.

2. I would prefer if everyone treated me kindly and fairly /but those who don't may be ignorant or upset rather than bad.

3. I accept the enjoyment life brings me though I know it will not always be easy going.

4. it would be wonderful if everybody who matters to me loved me and approved of me all the time - but I'll settle for some of the people some of the time!

5. I would like to excel at everything I do but I remain a good person even when I am not Mister Perfect.

6. Sometimes people treat me badly for their own reasons but they are usually just imperfect human beings like myself who occasionally do the wrong thing.

7. I sometimes find it frustrating when I don't get what I want but I can handle it.

8. I can face life's difficulties and still feel good.

9. If a person or situation threatens me or frightens me, I will put my energies into doing what I need to do and asking for the help I need.

10. I can lead a fulfilling life if I face up to problems and take responsibility for myself.

11. The past shaped my life but today I can make new choices.

12. I accept that the world is the way it is and I get on with doing what I need to do.

13. My best chance of a good life will come from working for my own well-being and that of the people I love or care about.

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