Many of us label our emotions as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, depending on how they make us feel. However, this can lead to a rigid and judgmental attitude towards our own feelings, which can make them harder to cope with. A more helpful way to think about our emotions is to see them as ‘wanted’ or ‘unwanted’, depending on the context and the outcome they produce.
In their book The Power of Small, Aisling and Trish Leonard-Curtin explain how this shift in perspective can help us to relate to our emotions more skilfully and compassionately.
They argue that no emotion is inherently negative or positive, but rather that each emotion has a function and a message for us. For example, fear is usually an unwanted emotion, because it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable.
However, fear is not negative in itself, because it serves a vital purpose: it alerts us to potential threats and motivates us to take action to protect ourselves.
Similarly, regret is often an unwanted emotion, because it makes us feel guilty and sad about something we did or didn’t do in the past. However, regret is not negative either, because it can help us to learn from our mistakes and to behave differently in the future, such as being more compassionate or honest.
By thinking of our emotions as wanted or unwanted, rather than positive or negative, we can avoid judging ourselves harshly for having certain feelings. We can also acknowledge the value and meaning of each emotion, even if we don’t like it.
As the authors of The Power of Small say, “Emotions are not good or bad; they just are.”
This can help us to accept our emotions as they are, without trying to suppress or avoid them, and to respond to them in constructive ways that enhance our well-being.
Self compassion helps us to relate well to unwanted emotions. Learn more in my online course True Friend Payment is by donation so it is affordable to all. More information
