Exercises

Mindfulness
Resilience, a soft skill not a hard shell

We hear a lot about resilience and with good reason. Perhaps we see it as putting up a hard shell to repel life’s misfortunes. But resilience isn’t necessarily a matter of toughing it out.

It’s often a matter of being kind to yourself – It’s a soft skill – and of treating yourself in a way that gets you through experiences in good shape.

Mindful awareness

So one aspect of resilience, for instance, might be mindful awareness. This means stepping aside from rumination, from going endlessly, over and over and over whatever it is that is troubling you. Coming into present moment awareness can give you a break from that and can give you space for other things in your life.

Self compassion

Another aspect is self compassion, which means being kind to yourself, treating yourself like a friend. This could include thinking back to times when you successfully got through difficulties, and realising that you can do that again.

It’s also a matter of realising that many other people are going through difficulties as well at the same time as you. This in itself can be comforting.

Affirmation

A third aspect of resilience – more of a tool for resilience, really – is to use an affirmation. There’s nothing mystical or magical about this. An affirmation is a better thought than the one you would otherwise be having.

Many people use the affirmation ‘Not happening now.’ Suppose you find your mind occupied by a disagreement at work and suppose these thoughts are interfering with your time for rest and recreation. Saying ‘Not happening now’ can help redirect your awareness to something different, in this case to that rest and recreation you need to help you to get through tough times. You may even find that solutions come into your mind following rest and recreation – but that’s a bonus.

Other affirmations include ‘This too will pass’ or ‘Whatever happens, I’ll handle it.’

So think of resilience as a form self care. It’s not about being a wave crashing against the rocks. It’s more like being a stream that can make its way between the rocks to a quieter place.

Learn more about self compassion in my online course True Friend. Payment is by donation.

True Friend
19/09/2024

Mindfulness
A breath for calm: simple de-stressing

Take a breath has become a cliché – but taking a breath the right way can indeed calm you down. The fundamental way to do this is to breathe slowly through your nose but as if you were breathing with your belly. Be aware of the rise and fall of your belly as you breathe through your nose.

Calming the nervous system

What this does is to activate the calming part of your nervous system. It’s called the parasympathetic nervous system but I think of it as the calming part. It’s necessary because we’ve also got the “up and at ’em” nervous system which is the sympathetic nervous system – that’s necessary for dealing with threats, for throwing ourselves into an action and so on. But we need to be able to come down from that, to rest – which is where the calming part comes it and indeed people sometimes describe it with the phrase “rest and digest.”

An effective variation

I have described the fundamental way of doing this above but really good variation on it was found to be very effective for calming in a study at the University of Pisa, reported by The Washington Post.

This involves partially breathing in through your nose, pausing very briefly and then completing the in-breath. Then you breath out slowing through your lips.

You can think of the in-breath as ‘1 (pause) 2’ and of the out-breath as ‘3’. Another way is to think: ‘Breathing in (pause) I am here. Breathing out I am here.’

Breathing out through the mouth gives you a longer out-breath which is also calming. You can breathe out so gently that nobody else in your space knows you are doing it.

A marvellous, free resource

Your breath is a marvellous free resource which does much more than keeping us alive. Try these exercises and see how they feel.

Learn more about mindfulness in my online course Easy Mindfulness. Payment is by donation.

25/09/2023

Mindfulness Exercises
Monday Morning grouch? Try a mindfulness routine

If you’re like a bear with a sore head first thing in the morning – often an affliction on Mondays –  then a mindfulness routine may help to reduce your level of grouchiness.

This is because your dark mood may well come from the grumpy thoughts about the day ahead that begin circling your mind as you’re on your way out of bed.

Instead of paying attention to these thoughts, try noticing:

  • the feeling of your feet against the floor,
  • your fingers touching light switches and door handles,
  • water splashing on your hands
  • the sound of the kettle boiling

and the other experiences that come with morning but which we often screen out of our awareness.

Also, ask yourself if starting a week or day with a series of angry or anxious thoughts, helps you or hinders you. Sometimes they are unavoidable but usually you have a choice about whether to indulge them. Instead you could try giving your awareness to whatever you’re physically doing right now.

If you want to go further you can also notice your breathing and perhaps spend a minute or two doing just that. Even clearing a space in your morning for this simple exercise can make a difference – you’ve done something for yourself instead of being carried along by negativity.

​The basic idea? Get yourself to the front door without putting yourself into a bad mood first thing in the day.

My book Daily Calm, with its quick and simple readings, can form part of a beneficial morning routine and you can get more ideas from my online courses.

This post was originally published 28th July 2016 and was updated on 21st February 2020.

21/02/2020

Mindfulness  ·  Mindfulness Exercises
A mindful walk in 7 stages

A few years ago, when I was under a good deal of anxiety, I walked a lot and found it helpful especially when I took a mindful approach to at least part of the walk. So I created this set of stages which I still use on my walks. They incorporate mindfulness, acceptance, self-compassion as a form of self care, affirmation, positivity and a reminder that, also, we need add a little courage to the mix.

You could also do this in bed, or sitting down, or standing in a queue, but I normally do it when I’m walking.

I’ve included visual symbols which help me to remember each of the steps. Here goes:

1 – What five things am I aware of right now?

This means what am I aware of my vicinity? So it could be people, traffic, trees, sounds, the feeling of my feet against the ground, the smell of flowers or shrubs. Or it could be my own breathing, my posture, maybe a physical feeling I have. This is a simple exercise in basic mindfulness.

Symbol: The sun, representing the light of awareness.

2 – What five things do I accept right now?

This could be how I feel, or something that is happening in my world or in somebody else’s. It could even be the weather. Acceptance is the other half of mindfulness which could be defined as returning awareness again and again to the present moment with acceptance.

Symbol: Visualise a bowl which is accepting the light from the sun. So the light of awareness is now held in the bowl of acceptance.

3 – Bring awareness to my breath.

This means observing a number of in-breaths and out-breaths. For me this usually means five in-breaths and out-breaths. But the number isn’t really all that important, it could be fewer or more. Breath awareness is probably the most usual way in which people practice mindfulness.

Symbol: Imagine the light being drawn up out of the bowl by your breath.

4 – Say an affirmation.

This means repeating, mentally, an affirmation that you find helpful. It turns your thoughts in a more useful direction. You can develop your own affirmations. Here are a few that I use:

‘My happiness does not depend on this.’ Note: Whatever is on my mind now will probably be forgotten about soon enough and probably won’t affect my overall happiness.

‘If I can find happiness in this I am liberated.’ Note: If you can find some happiness in unwanted situations then that’s a form of liberation: you don’t have to wait for the planets to align, so to speak, in order to have some happiness.

‘Life is not a game of chess.’ Note: I don’t have to spend every moment of my day, or of this walk, problem-solving. I can just ‘be.’

Symbol: The word ‘affirmation’ appears in the light that your breath drew out of the bowl.

5 – What’s positive?

List five things that are positive. This is just to help turn your mind in a lighter direction. It also helps you to avoid getting caught in a harmful loop of thoughts in which you attack yourself or other people or life in general over and over. The things that are positive don’t have to be about the main issue that is on your mind today. They could be that the sky is blue, that somebody you know is happy, that you’re looking forward to something tomorrow, that you are able to make the choice to go on a walk like this. Noting what’s positive can help foster a sense of hopefulness.

Symbol: The light becomes a circle in the sky, in other words becomes the sun again, representing what’s positive.

6 – Remember self-compassion.

This means reminding yourself that you will still be your own true friend at the end of the day whatever may happen. Or it could be at the end of a piece of work you’re doing, or of a social event you’re unsure about. Self-compassion is a hugely important form of self care in our challenging world – it’s a gift you ought to give yourself.

Symbol: The sun becomes a heart.

7 – Remember courage.

This means connecting with your own power. It means knowing what your intentions are and doing what needs to be done even if you feel nervous about it. I believe we all have more courage than we think we have – this part of the walk helps to remind us of this.

Symbol: The heart becomes a shield that could be held by a warrior, a male or female warrior as you wish.

For more mindfulness ideas see my online Easy Mindfulness Course. Its 15 lessons cover all aspects of mindfulness and includes many exercises and practices. Payment by donation so it’s affordable to all. Learn more

 

11/05/2019

Mindfulness
A sip of coffee can be your mindfulness workout, Ruby Wax says

​“At some point during the day, taste the coffee,” she explains. “Notice it and that’s already disciplining your mind. Your mind wanders? It’s supposed to. Just bring it back to tasting the coffee, over and over again, and that’s like doing a sit-up.”

So says Ruby Wax in an interview in the I newspaper with Chloe Hamilton about her book Frazzled.

I like her approach. For people who are never going to do 20 minutes mindfulness of breathing in the morning, ‘opportunistic mindfulness’ is the way to go: be aware of the sensations when you’re having a shower and then of the coffee later, and so on.

All of this she regards as a form of brain training and suggests mindfulness could well be renamed mind fitness. “Keeping the mind fit and healthy is just as important as eating nutritious foods. And mindfulness techniques can be incorporated into everyday life as easily as brushing your teeth, she says.”

Read more at: https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/ruby-wax-mindfulness-save-life/

Link to the I news

08/01/2017

Mindfulness  ·  Mindfulness Exercises
Mindful walking: a simple and effective mindfulness practice

One of my favourite mindfulness practices is mindful walking.

Mindful walking is good if you’re feeling a little restless or when your mind is agitated. But it’s also good as a way to bring your attention back to the moment again and again,  and that’s the essence of mindfulness.

Mindful walking  is as simple and as complicated as maintaining – as best you can – your awareness of the fact that you are walking.

  • You might try to be aware of each footstep.
  • You might harmonise your walking with your breathing.
  • You might note sounds around you.
  • If you are walking at home you might notice creaks in floorboards.

If you try to do all these things at once, you will end up in a knot. So it’s best to settle on just one or two ways to do this practice. I try to be aware of my feet against the floor and of sounds.

As with other mindfulness practices, when you realise you have drifted away in thought, just notice what you are thinking about and then return to your walking.

Some people like to walk mindfully and slowly in a circle or back and forth, often in a location, such as a meditation centre, which is set aside for that purpose.

But if that’s not your scene, or if you don’t have such a place to go to, you can practise mindful, normal walking in everyday life using the simple methods above.

The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn is an advocate of mindful walking. You can read a (long) article by him on this practice on the Lion’s Roar website  at this link.

08/07/2016

Mindfulness
Free mindfulness audios

​Check out my audios page for my free mindfulness audios. People sometimes think of these as guided mindfulness meditations but most are short, and are meant to be usable by you in a busy day.

Audio page link.

08/07/0216