Inner critic – just the facts please

If you’re like the other 8 billion or so people on the planet, then you have an inner critic who gives you a hard time, sometimes very harshly. The critic can attack you over choices you made about the big things in your life, and choices you made about the small things. The critic doesn’t care, it’s all grist to its mill.

Important life skill

So it’s a very important life skill to not take that critic too seriously.

Sometimes the inner critic has something useful to say but, in my experience, not usually.

And I think a way to approach it is to always make a distinction between a fact and an opinion.

Suppose the inner critic says ‘You took on that project, and it didn’t work out, you’re a complete failure.’

The fact is, you took on that project, and it didn’t work out.

The opinion is, you’re a complete failure.

Not usually true

These opinions are normally global, like sweeping generalisations. They’re usually not true anyway (hardly anyone on the planet is a complete failure).

So if you can just acknowledge that, yes, I took on that project, and it didn’t work out but leave out the opinion that you’re a complete failure, life becomes easier.

Keep your opinions to yourself Mister

And I would suggest that, in future when the critic in your head starts off with its opinions, you could try saying something to it  like ‘When I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.’

Facts are easier to deal with than opinions. There are fewer facts than opinions in the world.

So try that little technique: Make a distinction between the facts of things that have happened and exaggerated, unhelpful opinions about you and who you are.

And ask the critic to keep its opinions to itself.

If you have a strong inner critic, my self-compassion course True Friend can help you to put it in its place. Payment is by donation. More than 2,500 people have taken this course. Learn more.