Mindfulness

Mindfulness  ·  Mindfulness Exercises
Pema Chödrön’s Mindful Pause Practice – 3 conscious breaths

Pema Chödrön recommends what she calls “pause practice” as a way of stepping out of the stream of thoughts and preoccupations that can so easily carry us away during our day. To do the practice, just pause and take three conscious breaths. That’s all.

Why would this be  useful? My explanation:

  • First, the pause brings you into the present moment and out of the preoccupations that can carry you away into anxiety, anger and so on.
  • Second, to do this you accept that it is worth doing and that you deserve to give yourself this pause in busyness.
  • Third, deliberate, calm breathing lowers stress especially if you breathe with your tummy.

The three breaths practice is, Pema Chödrön says (in an article on lionsroar.com), “a simple but powerful practice that each of us can do at any given moment.”

Opportunities to do this include:

  •  When you wake up in the morning.
  •  Washing up.
  •  Making tea or coffee.
  •  Brushing your teeth.
  •  In the car, on the bus, standing in line.
  • Standing or sitting in your work space.

“Let it be a contrast to being all caught up,” she writes. “Let it be like popping a bubble. Let it be just a moment in time, and then go on.”

Pema Chödrön is an American Buddhist nun and writer. Her books include “When things fall apart” and “Start where you are.” Her website: The Pema Chödrön Foundation

This post was originally published on 8th August 2016, updated on 4th February, 2020

04/02/2020

Mindfulness  ·  Mindfulness Exercises
A mindful walk in 7 stages

A few years ago, when I was under a good deal of anxiety, I walked a lot and found it helpful especially when I took a mindful approach to at least part of the walk. So I created this set of stages which I still use on my walks. They incorporate mindfulness, acceptance, self-compassion as a form of self care, affirmation, positivity and a reminder that, also, we need add a little courage to the mix.

You could also do this in bed, or sitting down, or standing in a queue, but I normally do it when I’m walking.

I’ve included visual symbols which help me to remember each of the steps. Here goes:

1 – What five things am I aware of right now?

This means what am I aware of my vicinity? So it could be people, traffic, trees, sounds, the feeling of my feet against the ground, the smell of flowers or shrubs. Or it could be my own breathing, my posture, maybe a physical feeling I have. This is a simple exercise in basic mindfulness.

Symbol: The sun, representing the light of awareness.

2 – What five things do I accept right now?

This could be how I feel, or something that is happening in my world or in somebody else’s. It could even be the weather. Acceptance is the other half of mindfulness which could be defined as returning awareness again and again to the present moment with acceptance.

Symbol: Visualise a bowl which is accepting the light from the sun. So the light of awareness is now held in the bowl of acceptance.

3 – Bring awareness to my breath.

This means observing a number of in-breaths and out-breaths. For me this usually means five in-breaths and out-breaths. But the number isn’t really all that important, it could be fewer or more. Breath awareness is probably the most usual way in which people practice mindfulness.

Symbol: Imagine the light being drawn up out of the bowl by your breath.

4 – Say an affirmation.

This means repeating, mentally, an affirmation that you find helpful. It turns your thoughts in a more useful direction. You can develop your own affirmations. Here are a few that I use:

‘My happiness does not depend on this.’ Note: Whatever is on my mind now will probably be forgotten about soon enough and probably won’t affect my overall happiness.

‘If I can find happiness in this I am liberated.’ Note: If you can find some happiness in unwanted situations then that’s a form of liberation: you don’t have to wait for the planets to align, so to speak, in order to have some happiness.

‘Life is not a game of chess.’ Note: I don’t have to spend every moment of my day, or of this walk, problem-solving. I can just ‘be.’

Symbol: The word ‘affirmation’ appears in the light that your breath drew out of the bowl.

5 – What’s positive?

List five things that are positive. This is just to help turn your mind in a lighter direction. It also helps you to avoid getting caught in a harmful loop of thoughts in which you attack yourself or other people or life in general over and over. The things that are positive don’t have to be about the main issue that is on your mind today. They could be that the sky is blue, that somebody you know is happy, that you’re looking forward to something tomorrow, that you are able to make the choice to go on a walk like this. Noting what’s positive can help foster a sense of hopefulness.

Symbol: The light becomes a circle in the sky, in other words becomes the sun again, representing what’s positive.

6 – Remember self-compassion.

This means reminding yourself that you will still be your own true friend at the end of the day whatever may happen. Or it could be at the end of a piece of work you’re doing, or of a social event you’re unsure about. Self-compassion is a hugely important form of self care in our challenging world – it’s a gift you ought to give yourself.

Symbol: The sun becomes a heart.

7 – Remember courage.

This means connecting with your own power. It means knowing what your intentions are and doing what needs to be done even if you feel nervous about it. I believe we all have more courage than we think we have – this part of the walk helps to remind us of this.

Symbol: The heart becomes a shield that could be held by a warrior, a male or female warrior as you wish.

For more mindfulness ideas see my online Easy Mindfulness Course. Its 15 lessons cover all aspects of mindfulness and includes many exercises and practices. Payment by donation so it’s affordable to all. Learn more

 

11/05/2019

Mindfulness
Help! I think my mind’s a clown!

Does it seem unfair to suggest your mind could be a bit of a clown? Well, it’s unfair to actual clowns who make us laugh – much needed in an often grim world.

On the other hand your mind behaves in all sorts of less funny clownish ways. For instance:

– It’s always blowing its bugle to warn us about things that it says are going to happen but that never happen.
– It fails to warn us about lots of important events that it would have been quite helpful to know about in advance.
– When we’d like to enjoy the present moment, it distracts us with scare stories about the future, or with stories about the past that make us sad or angry.
– It starts its carry-on first thing in the morning and sometimes it wakes us up at night. “Have you heard this one? Oh, you’ll hate this,” it cackles.

Great thoughts

Of course the mind sometimes thinks great thoughts, though I don’t seem to have had one for a while. It can also think tender thoughts and come up with good solutions to problems.

The thing is, it insists that it’s always great and wise and wonderful and that all its predictions and judgements much be taken very, very seriously. And no matter how often it gets it wrong, it goes on insisting.

That’s a large part of why people who practise mindful awareness pay at least as much attention to what’s going on in the real world outside their head as they do to the circus inside their head. Naturally they listen to their mind but they do it with a grain of salt so to speak.

A burden

Taking your mind too seriously is a burden. You don’t need to go over and over the same oppressive thoughts, for instance, making yourself miserable for life. Once you learn that your thoughts are not all accurate or important, it’s much easier to let them chatter on in the background while you pay attention to the present moment.

It’s all part of the mindfulness attitude of taking our thoughts less seriously. The scary clown mightn’t like it but you’ll be happier and that’s what matters.

02/03/2019

Mindfulness
Mindfulness and the appreciation of fleeting happiness

Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/users/free-photos-242387/

I have met people who refuse to be happy because happiness doesn’t last. They have never accepted the fact that you can’t summon happiness and you can’t make stay. It comes and goes.

Mindfulness doesn’t guarantee happiness. However, it can increase your appreciation of your own happiness when it appears.

Think of happiness as a visitor who comes into your home, stays for a while, then goes away again. Though you are sorry to see it go, you know it will come back again.

The next time you notice you are happy, make a space for it. When you find yourself ignoring your visitor by drifting away in your head, come back to your experience of happiness.

We have a tendency to devote more attention to getting what we want than to enjoying it while we have it. Mindfulness, the practice of returning again and again to awareness of your experience, will help you to enjoy your happiness while it is with you and, with luck, it will prolong its stay. But one hour or day you will notice that happiness has gone away. Relax. It will return. Your job is to notice it when it comes back and to give it your attention.

20/02/2019

Mindfulness
Sunshine and mindfulness in Malahide

Malahide-boats-e1572096314393-300x181 Sunshine and mindfulness in Malahide

We had beautiful weather for yesterday’s mindfulness morning in Malahide. Though we were inside on one of the sunniest days of the year, 50 people turned up and we got out to the sunshine at one o’clock. Lots of questions and a very engaged audience. Later I walked by the sea and had an ice cream cone – with complete awareness!

25/06/2018

Mindfulness
Mirror, mirror on the wall – the most important relationship of all?

In my work in the area of mental health, especially as a counsellor, I have been struck by the importance of the relationship with ourselves.

Much of our preoccupation surrounds our relationships with others but the relationship with the self plays a very big role in those other relationships.

For instance, if I am self-compassionate (the subject of my new book, Kindfulness) I will see impressing others as a preference rather than a necessity. It would be nice if other people were impressed by what I do but if they’re not, I will still have my own friendship so it won’t be the end of the world.

Or self-compassion might lead me to say, well, I deserve better than the treatment that is being dished out to me by this person so it’s time to demand a change in the relationship or to end it.

People who are mistreated by others in long term relationships often have a belief that they deserve no better. This can happen either because they had this belief drummed into them as children or because their partner has steadily chipped away at their self-confidence.

Self-compassion can protect against such toxic beliefs so that the person sees themselves as deserving compassion and decent treatment. It can be difficult, though, to make the journey from self-shame to self-compassion so the person affected needs to take it slowly – for instance starting off by finding small things about themselves that they can like.

A narcissist would be happy to spend the day looking into the mirror, lost in admiration. A person who feels shame might never look into it – might not even have a mirror in the home.

What’s important, in my view, is to be able to look at the mirror, see a normal, good-enough human being, and move on. Now that’s a worthy objective.

Kindfulness – be a true friend to yourself with mindful self-compassion, is published by Yellow Kite Books on 28th June 2018

07/06/2018

Mindfulness
Choices? They’re not all free so a little self-compassion may be called for

choices-300x250 Choices? They're not all free so a little self-compassion may be called for

“You’ve made your bed and now you must lie in it.”

This is one of the most un-compassionate phrases we can use to ourselves or to others. Usually it means it’s time to pay for your choices and you can expect no sympathy from me.

Of course we need to take responsibility for our choices but, as I point out in my book Kindfulness, we also need to remember that our choices are not entirely free. Our lives are also influenced by certain conditions, and these have accumulated over years, often outside our control.

For instance if you have little or no money, then choosing to go to live in another city where accommodation is expensive represents a far more difficult choice than choosing to stay at home.

Another example: If your parents are farmers, your conditions and choices will be very different to what they would be if your parents were rock ‘n’ roll stars.

Choices are also influenced by factors we’re unaware of at the time, such as the wiles of marketing. The marketeers know where to place goods so that you are more likely to buy them and what music to have on in the background to nudge you towards handing over your cash or your card.

This isn’t about denying responsibility for your actions. It is about recognising that you are a human being who has to juggle choices and conditions with no knowledge of what the future holds – quite a demand! In that very human situation, self-compassion may be just as valid as self-criticism as you go about dealing with consequences.

Kindfulness – be a true friend to yourself with mindful self-compassion, is published by Yellow Kite Books on 28th June 2018

02/06/2018

Mindfulness
Mindfulness sessions – boring for a nine year old? And a hark back to Mass in childhood

I have been asked a couple of times recently if it would be okay to bring a nine-year-old child to my two-hour mindfulness sessions. The answer I give runs along these lines:

Mindfulness is a great skill for children to learn but I think the sessions need to be designed for them. As regards my own mindfulness sessions which run for two hours straight with a mixture of mindfulness practices, explanation and discussion with the audience, I imagine the experience would be quite boring for a nine-year-old’s attention span.

I’m remembering when I used to be brought to Mass at that age. I can still remember sitting, standing and kneeling in the crowded church feeling it would never come to an end. I have a memory of the smell of incense,which was pleasant enough though I only get it now at funerals, and of people shuffling and coughing. We don’t use incense at my mindfulness events and there isn’t a lot of shuffling and coughing either but bear in mind that the Mass only went on for a little over half an hour but it seemed like forever.

Mindfulness itself is taught to children of that age group often in primary school. The website www.mindfulnessmatters.ie is run by two people who do such training with primary teachers and with primary school age children. Readers might find that website helpful if they’re interested in mindfulness for children.

Mindfulness isn’t harmful to young children and gives them a technique they can use for the rest of their lives without fuss. Young teenagers have come to my events. I just think that for a nine-year-old it would all be a bit of a bore!

04/05/2018

Mindfulness
When thoughts hurt – a lesson from Ruby Wax

girl-holding-head-300x250 When thoughts hurt - a lesson from Ruby Wax

In mindfulness practice we are often encouraged to observe our thoughts and let them float by. It’s a way of disengaging from unhelpful or hurtful thoughts.

But when Ruby Wax went to Cape Town to teach mindfulness to young girls who had been badly abused, she sensed that “the last thing they wanted to do was observe their thoughts,” she writes in The Guardian. “Mindfulness, in my opinion, isn’t appropriate for severe trauma. When the trauma is resolved, or has eased off, you can try it. Otherwise, it can reopen the wound.”

Her solution? “I decided to change tack and asked if any of them had ever had a makeover. They hadn’t, but excitement ricocheted through the room. I came back the next day with my makeup.”

Later, “They all took selfies and I could tell they didn’t just look but felt beautiful, maybe for the first time.”

The lesson for me as a mindfulness teacher isn’t to bring a makeup kit but to remember that observing thoughts can be too painful for some people. The same, I believe, can apply to observing the breath or, indeed, to observing the body.

But in mindfulness we return again and again to the moment and the moment includes many things: the feeling of your feet against your shoes, a breeze on your face, walking, city or country sounds, scents, beautiful images, physical work and many more.

As teachers especially we need to approach mindfulness with flexibility and with respect for the unknown experiences of the people in front of us.

Ruby Wax’s latest book is How to be Human; The Manual.

06/02/2018

Mindfulness
Why I teach mindfulness but not meditation

Young-woman-at-river-300x250 Why I teach mindfulness but not meditation

I teach mindfulness but not meditation and usually I practise mindfulness but not meditation. I think the distinction is important.

Knowing you are aware
In mindfulness, you are not only aware of what is going on but you know that you are aware. It’s like the difference between walking and knowing that you are walking. The knowing is what makes the difference when it comes to mindfulness.

Mindfulness is something we naturally dip in and out of. Those of us who deliberately practise mindfulness try to dip into mindfulness more often.

Longer time
In meditation you focus your attention on an object such as your breath or an image over a period of time, say twenty minutes to an hour or more. This can lead to:

  • a sense of calm
  • or of restlessness
  • or what what Buddhist meditators sometimes call ‘afflicted’ mind.

Afflicted mind
In ‘afflicted mind’ painful thoughts, emotions and memories arise. These might very well be thoughts, emotions or memories we have have buried, perhaps without even being aware that we were burying them. The re-emergence of these painful thoughts, emotions and memories can, for some people, be interesting and for others disturbing. The latter is ‘afflicted mind.’

Teaching strangers
That’s why I have real doubts about introducing meditation to groups of strangers – in the workplace for instance – about whom I know nothing and who I may never see again: I don’t want to leave anyone to cope on their own with that ‘afflicted mind.’ I will not be there to help them through it.

Simple mindfulness
But I am happy to introduce mindfulness itself, using short, simple practices (such as those featured in my book Mindfulness on the Go), to anyone – it is immediately beneficial and in my experience it doesn’t do harm. On the contrary, it enhances our experience of living both in helping us to cope with the negative and to enjoy the positive.

(These thoughts were prompted by an article in Tricycle Magazine called The Mindfulness Solution by Andrew Olendzki, author of Unlimiting Mind and then director of the Barre Centre for Buddhist Studies.

20/01/2018

Page 9 of 11