Mindfulness

A disadvantage in the world

Clinging too tightly to how we think things ought to be, has probably always been a disadvantage in the world.

But in a world of such uncertainty as that in which we now live, it’s a very definite disadvantage.

And it has a very definite negative effect, I think, on our ability to live well. This has always been part of the philosophy behind mindfulness.

Accept uncertainty

In order to live well, we need to be able to accept uncertainty, and to give most of our awareness, to the present moment that we’re living through. This doesn’t mean we can’t plan – of course we can . But if we come become too attached to how things or indeed people ought to be, we increase our unhappiness, because we’re attempting to control the uncontrollable.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that we cannot control the world although we have a good deal of control over what we do in the world.

The path that’s opening out

So we all want certain things, and we’re motivated to go and get them. But mindfulness teaches us that  the important thing is to be able to let go, when that’s no longer doable, when it no longer makes sense to keep clinging on.  Instead to appreciate whatever is good in the path that’s opening out in front of us as we make our way in uncertainty. It’s about not clinging beyond reason, and cultivating an appreciation of this moment now as we move along the path.

My 15 lesson online course Easy Mindfulness will teach you the practice and theory of mindfulness at your own pace. Payment is by donation. More information 

‘Happiness Is a feeling, not an outcome. When you understand that happiness is nothing more than a feeling, you can help it to grow and maintain itself when you do feel it.’ (Richard Carlson, You can be happy no matter what).

So spot feelings of happiness that come to you at random, ordinary moments for no particular reason and give them some appreciation while they last.

Easier said than done?

Sometimes this is easier said than done. Maybe difficult events are going on in your life or you’re in a ‘down’ mood that’s persisted for a while. Still, little moments of happiness, of lightness, can occur. We can spot them and appreciate them while they last even if that’s not for very long.

When we ignore these feelings, it’s as though life has given us some free happiness and we’ve brushed it to one side, preferring to dwell on our issues and our doubts.

But since we spend so much time and effort pursuing happiness, doesn’t it make sense to catch it and appreciate it when it comes along?

So think of random good moods or feelings as ‘free happiness’ that you didn’t have to do something specific to experience. All you have to do is to allow it to remain in your awareness for a little longer.

When you practise mindfulness it becomes easier to spot those good moments. You can learn all you need to know about mindfulness in my 15-lesson online course Easy Mindfulness.  Payment is by donation.

See also: Spotting unexpected happiness

Image by Luca Upper on Unsplash

“Once we fall into the trap of believing that things are ‘supposed’ to go well, we tend to think something has gone terribly amiss when they suddenly don’t.”

So writes Dr Kristin Neff in her book Self Compassion.

It’s a favourite quote of mine because it takes the sting out of the fact that in everyday life things don’t always go right.

Naturally we’d like things to go right but it isn’t the end of the world (usually) when they don’t. And as Buddhist psychology reminds us – and this is very much part of the mindfulness philosophy – everything is impermanent so we simply cannot assume that things will go the way we want them to.

I try to remind myself that if 51 per cent of things go right in a day I’m ahead of the game and with luck the ‘success’ rate will be even higher. After all demanding say 90 per cent success can actually put us off moving forward and even trying because we’ve set the bar so high. Aiming for 51 per cent gets us started and gets things done.

I wouldn’t recommend this approach for brain surgery or landing planes but when it comes to the small change of everyday life, 51 per cent will do.

For more on self-compassion check out my 15-lesson online course True Friend.

Mindfulness is often thought of as ‘being in the moment.’ It’s more about returning to the moment again and again.

That’s because our minds wander by default – so we have to keep bringing them back.

One way to bring our attention back is to focus awareness on our breathing. This is perhaps the most basic of all mindfulness exercises – observing your breathing, perhaps counting the breath as you do. For instance you could count to 7 while breathing in and to 11 while breathing out, for a while. If 11 is too much of a stretch for you, use a shorter number.

Deliberate awareness of breathing has a calming effect on the emotional centre of the brain and that is probably why it is to popular among mindfulness practitioners. 

Returning again and again helps us to avoid getting lost in rumination.  Rumination means thinking negative thoughts over and over again.

Rumination can lead us towards depression or excessive anger so the ability to come out of it quickly is very valuable.

To learn more about all aspects of mindfulness, check out my Easy Mindfulness online course. 

Image by Photo by Zdeněk Macháček on Unsplash

Come into the mindful space – it’s easy

A mindful space is one you can come into for a sense of clarity, or a pause in the day or a rest from the busyness going on around you.

How do you enter it? By becoming aware of your breathing or of your body.

But it’s not just that – the important thing is that you don’t engage with the thoughts that are running through your mind. You let them go by without getting involved in them. And the way that you do that, again, is to keep bringing your attention back to your breathing or your body.

Your mind will drift away again and again, even while you’re in that space. But keep bringing it back.

A pleasant sense of clarity

In that space you can get a sense of clarity, which can be very pleasant. You will usually also get a sense of relaxation. You can even get the break you need in your stream of thoughts to give you a new sense of perspective or to make a better choice.

Don’t have time for it? The good news is that it doesn’t take a long time.If you can’t go into the mindful space for five or six or seven minutes, go into it for two or three or four minutes. If you can do it for, say, 10 minutes all the better.

That mindful space can add significantly to your quality of life. So try it out – see what it’s like.

My 15-lesson mindfulness course, online, can help how to enter the mindfulness space more easily and how to practise many other aspects of mindfulness. Payment is by donation. More details.

Page image is by Joshua Jen on Unsplash