Not spotless! All or nothing thinking

An unhelpful mental habit

One of the most unhelpful mental habits we can have is to tell ourselves that if one thing is wrong, everything is wrong. It’s called ‘All or nothing thinking’ in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It’s something that we can do a lot of very easily without noticing.

Examples

Examples could include: ‘I meant to do six things today, but I only did five. So my day is a failure. Or worse, I’m a failure.’

‘She texts me every day, but not today. It’s over.’

‘He was helpful to me the day before yesterday and the day before that, but he wasn’t helpful to me yesterday, so he doesn’t really care.’

Silly but fast

It’s easy to see how all or nothing thinking can be damaging for relationships and for our own peace of mind. And it looks sound silly if you see it written down. But when it is a thought flashing through your mind at enormous speed, it’s actually hard to see the silliness of it.

Slow it down

So it’s helpful in a situation like that, especially when you’re condemning somebody who has disappointed you without even realising it, to just slow down, stop for a minute and ask yourself if there is also another side to that person or to that situation. It’s like trying to remember what’s good instead of wallowing exclusively in what’s bad.

You can also counteract all or nothing thinking if you’re going over a day, let’s say at the end of the day, or you’re mulling over an event – just consider what went right and not only what went wrong.

The rewards of cutting down on all or nothing thinking include equanimity, better relationships and less emotional distress.

Mindfulness can help you to spot all or nothing thinking and to step back from it. My 15 lesson online Easy Mindfulness course has been taken by more than 2,000 people, both beginners and people who have already mindfulness part of their lives. Payment is by donation. Learn more.