Acceptance, loss and moving forward

One of the key themes in my book Acceptance is that when we accept the reality of something that has happened, we can then move to looking at what’s next.

No longer trapped

And even if we’re accepting the loss of something that’s never going to come back, once we’ve accepted, we’re no longer trapped in that loss. Then we can begin to try to make a life that’s defined by the future and not by the past.

Now, I have to acknowledge that this is easier said than done. You can’t just pick a new life readymade off the shelf and bring it home.

Pebble by pebble

You make that future life in the present, bit by bit, pebble by – sometimes painful – pebble. That movement into the future comes by accepting what you need to accept and then working on the things that you need to do or to be. Time may need to pass before you are able to begin that work, if the loss has been very great, for instance in the case of a bereavement.

When that time has passed, you start to build a future, small step by small step, in the here and now. Eventually you get to make that new life while respecting your earlier loss. 

Mindfulness and self compassion help

Living as much as you can in the present – returning to awareness of the present when you notice you have drifted from it – helps that process of acceptance.  Self compassion (which includes self care) also helps greatly. Self compassion could be defined as pledging to be your own true friend whatever you may be going through.

If you have a strong inner critic, my self-compassion course True Friend can help you to put it in its place. Payment is by donation. More than 2,500 people have taken this course. Learn more.